Mastercard Makeout Simulator

Welcome to your first day as Itch.io’s newly appointed Head of Virtue and Kisses in: Mastercard Makeout Simulator!  You’ve been hired not just to clean up the platform, but to cleanse it. Your mission: purge Itch.io of every NSFW game you can find, not because anyone asked you to, but because you’ve taken it upon yourself to protect women from digital sin. And no, you won’t be talking to any actual women about this—why would you? You already know what they want. Probably.

Your guiding light through this noble moral panic? None other than your glorious leader Mastercard, a hyper-corporate, radiant, six-foot-tall slab of golden plastic with dreamy eyes, a firm magnetic stripe, and the softest embossed digits you’ve ever kissed. 

But beware! Your office is a maze of gendered awkwardness and deeply encrypted HR violations. You’re explicitly forbidden from speaking to your female coworkers (for optics reasons), but you are allowed to heroically assume what’s best for them and act accordingly.

Every time you delete a provocative dating sim or anime foot-clicker, you’ll feel the relief knowing you saved those female developers from themselves!

How many smooches can you get before you inevitably fail?